Chris Tomlin has a wonderful song called “Amazing Grace.”  I listen to it on repeat often, and I think that I’m finally getting the point.

“My chains are gone.

I’ve been set free.

My God, my Savior,

has ransomed me. 

And like a flood,

his mercy reigns. 

Unending love.

Amazing grace.”

I sing this to myself all throughout my daily routine, which is anything but routine, and realized that in order to feel free from my chains, I had to identify just what it was that was keeping me imprisoned.  What is holding me back?  What have I allowed to be a chain in my life for so long now that I barely even recognize it?

So, this is my attempt to identify my chains, and finally leave them at the altar.  It’s odd, actually, because I think we get so used to the way we are, that we cling to the things that are holding us back from experiencing all that God truly wants to give us.

“You know how I am – I just have a bad temper,” or “I’m just depressed” or “I lack self confidence” or “I’m too shy.”  All of these things can be true about us, but using them as an excuse to keep from trying something new seems that we are embracing the very chain that is holding us back. 

Or maybe that’s just me.

I’ve done a lot of soul searching about this, and it’s not easy to admit my weaknesses.  But I’ve learned through the years that if I honestly lay these things out on the table for everyone to see, then Satan has one less weapon to use on me.  He can’t handle the truth, and can’t make me feel guilty for something I’ve chosen to let go of, right?

So, here you go.

I feel things very deeply, so I tend to get my feelings hurt.  And then, I never confront the person who did this, choosing to withdraw from them instead.  On the surface, I wouldn’t admit to holding grudges toward these people.  But over time, hurt feelings lead to bitterness, and bitterness leads to a hardened heart, and God has no use for a hardened heart.  As a matter of fact, he even tells us that he won’t forgive us unless we have forgiven others. Really.  That’s what it says, and it doesn’t sound very optional.  (Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.) Ouch!

I care too much about what people think, which makes me non-confrontational and somewhat spineless.  I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news. I don’t want to deliver a message you don’t want to hear.  I don’t want to be identified as hard to deal with, and I generally want to be liked by everyone.  Where would be we if Jesus approached things in this way?

I am somewhat of a workaholic.  I never meant to be, but the jobs that I’ve had along the way involved working all hours of the day and night, and I have allowed that to isolate me.  It has interfered with me attending church at times, but it could be that God needs me at church for a reason, but I’m too tired, or too preoccupied, or too busy to attend.  Likewise, I don’t spend enough time at home for this same reason, and I’m quite sure that God didn’t create me to be a machine.

I’m a messy person. If not for the fact that our house has been on the market for over a year, my shoes would be in the floor and my bed would most likely not be made up.  There is clutter on my desk, and I could spend hours here on the computer and not even care.   I can see through the mess in my life to the things that really matter, and I hope that never changes.  But on the flip side of that, if there is too much clutter and no order, it’s like extra baggage that I carry around with me, and probably limits my ability to see the opportunities God tries to set before me.

There is so much more I could mention, but I think this is a good start.  I’m tired of the bitterness and extra baggage.  I want to be free to serve, to follow, to dream, to overcome, and to conquer.  I don’t want to look back with regrets.  More than anything, I don’t want to get to heaven one day and see all the things that God could have used me to accomplish, if only I had been willing.

I trust that my God is doing something with my life that is much bigger than I am, so it’s really not about me after all.  And with that, my chains are gone, and I’ve been set free!

Tags: Amazing Grace, Bible, chains, Chris Tomlin, family, God, Jesus, weakness