I realized the other day that it is mid February, and I have made about $300 this year. Ironically, I have worked harder for that amount than I ever have for anything my entire life. I wrote three book reviews on investment books, which required reading over 900 pages worth of words I could barely pronounce. I turned in my outline and chapter summaries for my book on Decluttering, which took a couple of weeks and a ton of research.
My latest venture was to transcribe video tapes from the old Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Not just word for word transcriptions, but sound for sound, even when they talk over each other, and in perfect grammar and spacing. Do you know how many words they spoke during a one hour show? Those comedians defined humor, but I struggled to spell Tim Allen’s grunting noises or Johnny Carson’s expressions. After hours and hours of those tapes, my hands are numb and my brain cells are echoing each episode after scrutinizing the same show all day long. It is like a marathon, but with only one episode showing for eight hours at a time, and you can never turn it off.
In my past life, I was never one to make much money, but I could rest in the fact that the harder I worked, the more money I brought in. I knew how to be a good employee. I made a practice of going above and beyond the call of duty, and let the paycheck take care of itself.
Life is very different now. In some ways, I feel as if I have been promoted, but without a pay plan.
God has a plan and it involves me writing. I fully believe that. But it goes deeper than that. His plan requires me to trust in him. His plan knocks me over with unexpected success on some days, while making sure I am prepared to be ignored and overlooked for long periods at a time on most of the others. His plan humbles me daily, causing me to question whether or not I am doing this right. His plan calls for me to show up every day and give Him my best effort, even when it feels like I am accomplishing nothing at all.
More than anything, His plan forces me to find my value in Him.
Because I have made about $300 so far this year, and am exhausted.
The truth is that I am no longer worth what I was before. I realize that.
Or, perhaps, the truth is that I am more valuable than ever before. I guess it depends on where I find my value.