A friend asked me one time how I was doing. I responded, like I always do, by telling them how everyone in my family was and what all was going on in their lives.
My friend listened politely, then sat there for a minute, and intruded on my little world by saying this:
“I didn’t ask how everyone else was doing – I asked how you were doing.”
And I had no idea how to answer that.
For some reason, I am the type of person who thinks of myself only as a last resort. As a general rule, if everyone else is happy, I’m happy. No wonder I get in over my head sometimes.
It takes me awhile to realize I’m being taken advantage of, or that there may be other options. For example, I follow a very slow car way too long before deciding I can go around them in the fast lane. I guess I’m afraid of hurting that car’s feelings or something.
I’m the same person who planned a little surgery over Christmas Break a few years back because that was the only time I thought it wouldn’t inconvenience anyone. As it turned out, that little tumor was malignant, and I ended up casting quite the damper on our Christmas.
Yep – I definitely have a problem. (but have been cancer free now for six years, so thankfully, that is no longer one of them)
But, I’d better figure out how to be OK, regardless of how the people in my life are doing. There’s got to be more to me than just making sure I’ve met everyone’s needs for the day, right?
I’ve got to dig deeper and give myself permission to at least figure out what I’m all about when it’s just me, and what I want out of this crazy life. If I don’t, I’m going to end up all wrinkled, lonely and sitting on my front porch wondering what my purpose is since there is no one to take care of.
So, how am I doing?
I’m not sure quite yet, because this is a new process for me. But, even though I’m exhausted and have way too much to do tomorrow, and there is laundry to put away,etc. I find myself at the computer at 11:00 at night writing.
Because that is what I love to do. Maybe this is a step in the right direction.